A Reminder of How Talking Helps

The tragic shooting at Ft. Hood left our nation in a cloud of sadness. The grief touched our hearts and souls at the deepest levels. I was sad about the loss of people I'd never seen, never met, never knew. Deep inside us there is a natural grief that follows a loss like this. I found myself trying not to think about "it." Yet a few hours later, I would start talking about "it" again. I was compelled to send my two boys emails reminding them I loved them. I called my mom..."just to talk." Something about grief and loss drives us to want to connect. We don't want to be alone in our sadness. Thinking about this, while a completely different circumstance, I was reminded of how those of us who've chosen to voluntarily terminate a pregnancy are so alone in our grief. We don't, won't, can't talk about our feeling of loss and sadness. This isn't a natural reaction to grief. We need a better way for women.

The Real Losers: Women Who Sit in Silence

The buzz on the blogs is that the pro-choicers are losing the battle to the pro-lifers. Once again this confirms my mantra. In the midst of all the dialogue and political rheteroic and debate, women sit silent afraid to talk about their abortions.

The real people getting hurt, dismissed and minimized are the women who know the most about the issue. They sit silently with no where to go with their disenfranchised grief.

The blah blah continues while women cry in their closets. It is time to stop the debate for lets say two days or so and let women have their voices. Come on people! We can do better for our women. Pro-con...whatever... It's all a bunch of words to the woman who suffers in her disenfranchised grief bed.

Common Ground

In his controversial speech to Notre Dame this year, President Obama challenged us all to find common ground on the abortion issue. Our culture needs to understand: letting women talk about their abortions is the common ground that each side can embrace.

The "A"- word (abortion) incites an incredible amount of political and religious rheteroic. In the meantime, women of choice sit silently with no venue to grieve. Women don't talk about their choice decisions for fear of risking rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or invalidation of the pain they might feel.

Glamour Magazine courageously offered an article (February '09) that will be the catalyst, I believe, for revolutionizing the way women process their choice decisions. You can read the article titled, "Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren't Talking About Until Now" here: Abortion: The Serious Health Decision Women Aren’t Talking About Until Nowhttp://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/02/the-serious-health-decision-women-arent-talking-about-until-now

Thirty Years of Tears

Just yesterday I had a woman on my couch (literally) who wept and wept about the abortion she had 30 years ago. She was only 16 at the time of the "vpt". She had never talked about the abortion, much less cried in front of anyone. This wasn’t anything about the legalities of abortion. This was one woman’s heart that needed to let out the grief she had felt so long.

We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. It is now time to let those who have made the choice grieve their loss without the spotlight of political or religious dialogue. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or disapproval just because at a later point in time they are searching for resolution to their loss.

April 19, 1985

She was sitting in the big granny rocker that's in the corner of my counseling room. I guessed her age to be 10 years younger than she actually was. She was delightful in demeanor but in her eyes were a sadness that compelled me to look closer.

I never cease to be amazed at women's stories. I am also reminded frequently at how many details of the "vpt" day that come to mind when "the story" gets told. She remembered "that day" very well. Her "vpt" day was April 19, 1985. She described the weather, the doctor's office, the doctor's face, the feel of her husband's hand as he stood beside her and squeezed it. Tears were flowing and her voice shook. So much emotion there that had never been expressed! Her tone turned to anger as she talked about the reasons why. It softened as she went into the "what-if's" and the "I wonders." "I wonder what my child would have looked like. Would it be a girl, one like my precious 25 year old daughter...the light of my life.?"

I could go on recounting the story. The important thing is that someone was there to hear her story. Someone was there to listen with compassion and hand her a kleenex to wipe the tear falling down her cheek. It is so good to tell our stories. This is the beginning of finding our way home ...to comfort and to peace. ~Selah.

"Now We're Talking!"

Abortion or "voluntary pregnancy termination" is not anything we set out to do as a “goal” per se. It was never any of our basic desires to have to choose. Just like we were all on different roads and now we are here at this intersection, so are the choices we’ve made. Every choice, every decision has its own unique set of circumstances.

For women of choice our commonality is the same. There are other choices we could have made. Single-parenting, “having to get married,” adoption or in the case of a tough medical outcome…none of the options available provided perfect answers. For many of us perfection was demanded from us, either by ourselves or by others.

Choices, decisions are hard. There is never any easy answer. Every single one of the roads we could have chosen involve loss and grief. In abortion decisions we take the solitary road. If feels like we are alone. We don’t talk…until now!

30 Years of Tears

Recently,I had a woman on my couch (literally) who wept and wept about the abortion she had 30 years ago. She was only 16 at the time of the "vpt". She had never talked about the abortion, much less cried in front of anyone. This wasn’t anything about the legalities of abortion. This was one woman’s heart that needed to let out the grief she had felt so long. We’ve taken the issue of “choice” off the streets and out of the back-alley. It is now time to let those who have made the choice grieve their loss without the spotlight of political or religious dialogue. Women who’ve made the choice shouldn’t have to risk rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding or disapproval just because at a later point in time they are searching for resolution to their loss.